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Peter Cridland

HOW TO FIND TRUE LOVE AND HAPPINESS IN THE PRESENT DAY

It all began in Moosecow, Idaho, USA, home of the famous jumping potato.  A product of a broken home, the young P.G. Cridland or "Pete" as he was called, showed a proficiency for mathematics in school.  He was eventually accepted to the University of Idaho at Moosecow to read maths.

Unlike most universities, first year students at the U of I are first taught to read and write before starting their academic career.  The U of I is noted both for its large number of foreign students from Greece and for the dire poverty that its students must endure.  Most are forced to scrape out a living hunting cougars and collecting their farts in discarded Kool-aid packets.  These are then sold in neighboring Pullman, Washington state, where the local drug addicts call them "whiffies" which are prized for their hallucinogenic properties.

After completing his degree, P.G. Cridland hopped a freight train to Seattle. Unfortunately he ended up in Salt Lake City.  There his fortunes fell to their nadir.  The only way he could find to make money was smuggling in PG tips tea bags and illegally selling them to thrill seeking mormons.

His prayers were then answered: After being mistaken for Rolf Harris, he was sent on a European tour and did a runner when he reached London.  There he did various casual jobs and stints on the dole.  It was at a C.N.D. rally in Brixton that the security forces seized him as a suspected unexploded nuclear device.  He was rushed to Tooting Bec hospital (now closed) and defused.

The rest, of course, is known to everyone throughout the land - he regularly appears on TV warning British youth to avoid the mistakes he made while he was young.  "I tell them to have faith and keep on paying their TV licence fee" says Cridland.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF A TYPICAL BRITISH SUCCESS STORY

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